(verse 1: swamprat)
How did it turn out like this
Why does my heart have to split over the drugs and that bitch
I'm burning it all to the ground and i'm watching my life get shattered to bits
I was faded for days i was fucked up my mind
Was sinking i'm flipping double the dose
I can still feel their presence
There's holes in my heart and there's not enough light in this world to fill up this dark
I swear there's pollution in the air
Lately been losing the effort to care
Someone loyal is rare so don't mind me when i question the trust
Cause i ain't never felt that loyal love i only found it deep in the drugs i guess you'd call it that md love
I'm just fucked up from the other stuff
Uppers and downers i'm mixing the drugs
Thoughts on quit but i'm still picking it up
I'm losing all hope but i'm deserving this stuff
From a young kid my mind's been rough
Nine years old damn i was young
Way to be young to be hanging up
So fuck all you's i ain't quitting cunt
I only show love to deserving ones
So don't get cut when i'm picking up
I'm just fucked up probably peaking cruz
People show love and i'm pushing them away
Sick of these thoughts they're clouding my brain
Now fuck this shit just give me that rope
What am i thinking i gotta be alive for my mum
She ain't never deserved none of this stuff
Watching her son grow and trying to take his life
I'm sorry mum i should've listened to advice
Cause now's the chance he won't get to say bye
And honestly that thought hurts me deep
So talk all your shit there's still blood on the sheets
Wrapping it up man i can't accept defeat
I question it all cause them scars cut deep i'm trying to express myself over these beats and i'll self sabotage
And i'll eat all these bricks and i'll black out for days man i can't feel shit
Everything i do it leads me to this i don't blame myself i find comfort in the beast
I lost all conscience i feel like a zombie i'm numb to the core
I don't even want to feel anything at all
Cause even happiness are fucks in my head
It's half the reason i never take my meds
But even later days i'm cooked up in bed
I got no effort to even leave my room i just take drugs and watch all the days fade away
I'm mentally insane i won't change a day
If only i was able to control the weather cause i ain’t getting better
I can't deal with stress and i'm sorry i leave i just needed a minute to breathe
I never knew it was last time i'd leave
I hate you now and your lies i believe
Had me in a hospital bed my mother straight up living one of her fears
So all the drug abuse that needs to stay clear
Hopefully one day i'll find true peace
I'm starting to think i got a mental disease
Too long a night till i jump on the beats