(verse 1: swamprat)
Fuck this rap i'm getting sick of this shit
I'll just write another track feeling distant again
Now i'm all alone again hopefully i don't relapse with all the depends never known for having strength
Benders always going on i'm always off my head
Thought my life would end with 40 something xanax
Mother had to watch me nearly die again and again
Only cunts understand the guilt i got in my head
Looking in the eyes that gave you life i'm sick in the mind
Why do i keep trying to die feeling numb that i can't even cry
Keep saying that i'm sober but it's all a fucking lie
But i'm doing better than i was a year ago so why do i complain
I got the potential but keep drowning in the rain
They say they're proud i know they ain't
Picking club of spades that luck of these days
So i'm going with the hearts and diamonds hopefully that gamble's paying off
Staying strong having the feeling that i'm not going to be around for very long
Write another song so they can hear my voice when i pass on
Feeling like a stranger to myself guessing that's how the story's going to present itself i'm a coward can't ask for the help
Never learned to cope drugs is how i dealt
Put myself to hell it's time to start over start stacking some wealth
Wish i could trust these girls put some faith and only time will tell
Past experiences had me fucked how am i meant to tell a lie from the truth i even lied to myself so i ain't got a clue
Hating on myself sit alone in my room
I keep losing my weight looking at the scales questioning if it's true all my problems seem to pile up in twos
I'm too easily bruised asking my head for a truce no one will listen fucking screws are loose
I'm not doing this for anyone else but it feels like i got a point to prove at this point i ain't got nothing to lose
I’m so cooped up in my room questioning what they said was true
Second guessing every step that i move
Battled with demons every battle i lose
Fucking sloth and confused no matter what i try i'm doomed
Scars in my skin and i don't know what to do
Every couple weeks i think about you
So i'm taking more drugs that i don't think i abuse
Still losing more memories i don't know who i am
They say quit but i don't think that i can
Nearly od with some bricks in my hand
Then i get sober and i relapse again it's a repetitive cycle and they want me to change i think it's too late for the damage i made
Feeling the chemicals reshape my brain
Started getting risky i don't care what i take i didn't think that it'd fuck up my brain
Double dunking i know i've gone insane i'm always fucked up when i'm making decisions
So most of the time i never listen like fuck off