[Intro]
There was a time, in the late seventies
When I was out at work, that uh, the Shuttleworth family, experienced financial hardship, 'John We need a vacuum cleaner'
And I said 'We can't afford one love, it's a luxury item' then she left me
She did, and I went into the street looking for her, and I said;
[Chorus]
‘Hey, have you seen my wife?’
I said ‘Hey hey have you seen her?’
She left me after a row
It was over a vacuum cleaner!
I said ‘What’s wrong with a broom?’
And she said something obscener!
‘Oh, Mary, please come back
And I’ll buy you a vacuum cleaner!’
[Interlude]
But she didn't come back
And she wasn't at her parents in Ashton-Under-[?]
Didn't know where she was, two young children to feed
A terrible time!
And I asked at the butchers, the bakers, the [?]
Nobody had seen her, not a soul
I went to the local radio station and put on a request, and said;
[Chorus]
‘Hey, have you seen my wife?’
I said ‘Hey hey have you seen her?’
She left me after a row
It was over a vacuum cleaner!
I said ‘What’s wrong with a broom?’
And she said something obscener!
‘Oh, Mary, please come back
And I’ll buy you a vacuum cleaner!’
[Bridge]
Please come back darling, you know, you're right!
A broom is not adequate to clean up, dog hairs and scraps from unwanted food
But you know, [?]
[Chorus]
‘Hey, have you seen my wife?’
I said ‘Hey hey have you seen her?’
She left me after a row
It was over a vacuum cleaner!
I said ‘What’s wrong with a broom?’
And she said something obscener!
‘Oh, Mary, please come back
And I’ll buy you a vacuum cleaner!’
[Outro John Shuttleworth, Ken Worthington & Mary Shuttleworth]
Well, I'm delighted to report, that she did return
And I bought her a lovely second hand [?] model
That she still has to this day, but now she says she wants a new one (Yes, I do)
Why? Why Mary? (Why not? Hey? Why not?)
The one you've got functions perfectly (It does not)
It does! (You tell him Mary! That's excellent, nice idea, works well)
Thank you
I think I'll send a copy of that to [?]. Right, one down, six to go. What's next
Right Ken, next we have a song that I actually wrote, several years ago, but I abandoned it. I co-wrote it with a minicab driver called Peter, who was doing some drama lessons with me. One night, he came around to my house, he brought his guitar and a few cans of lager, and got a bit merry
We wrote this song... (Called?)
The Christmas Orphan...